Do you feel mortality obligated to help out a family member? Myself I try to help out my friends and family as much as I can as long as it don't put me in too much pain or hurt me in the long run.
Here is a little background info on myself and my family that will help me find the answer to my problem.
Me, I am 26 years old asian guy. As with most asian family, I still live with my parent or it can be seen as the other way around, my parent lives with me. I own the house, married, no kids, I have a stable job that and make decent money, enough to get by but not enough to spend it freely on luxurious stuff every week.
My sister on the other hand is a business women. She is also married in her early 30s with 2 kids. They live in a really big house, own a business, and her husband work for the state. They live A LOT better then I am. I have no major issue with her or husband and kids, we get along well.
The problem:
Pretty much they fucked up on buying the $900,000 house about 3 years ago. At the time it was a "good investment". Business was going good and they had no problem paying the mortgage. Fast forward to today, that $900,000 house is worth about $500,000. They put about $200k down on the house of there own money. They are going to walk away from the house and will loose the $200k they put down on the house and whatever payment they paid on the house for that 3 years. They walk away from the house, they fuck up there credits.
What they asked me to do.
#1
They want to buy another house, but UNDER my name since they jacked up there credits. The house they buy will be smaller and will be about $250k or so.( I live in North cal, this is how much the houses over here cost). They said they will use my name for about 3-5 years or so then they will change it back to there name.
#2
They asked me to open a bank account for them UNDER my name again so they can put the rest of the savings that they have in there for 6-12 months or so. She said it will be about $35k.
My feelings about this:
I "feel" like I am obligated to help out my sister. Being raised in a typical asian family we are taught to help out each other as much as we can. She helped me out in the past before with some issues like guild me with school and let me live at her place for about 7 months while I was going to school. They also helped out my really jacked up brother a few years ago and they got burned really bad. They are stuck with a POS Ford Expedition that owe DOUBLE of what it's worth. I was strongly against them helping out my brother, but my brother in law was too nice of a guy to say no. I believe that if I help them out here, they have about a 90% chance of getting back on there feet in 5 years.
Reality check:
For #1
If they screw up again, I am screwed as well. I would say that I would be even more screwed then them because I have a smaller income and live closer to my paycheck. Also I have really good credit right now and I don't plan to mess it up. If this was just for a few months, I would have no problem with them using my name. But 5 years is a really long time for be to be crippled in getting anything through credits. What I mean by this is, if I let them use my name, I will legally own TWO houses. My income just don't add up to afford TWO houses. So if I get the loan for that house, I will most likely get credit blocked for any other credit that I will apply for. At the time I don't plan to make any big purchase or can I see myself buying anything through credit. But like I said, 5 year is a LONG time and anything could happen.
For #2
Holding $35k is a lot of money. I don't know how the credit people work or the bank work but I don't want this $35k to haunt me in the future for some stupid reason like the taxes or other legal stuff. I know when I was in college I got denied for financial aid one semester because I was holding $10k for my aunt. Even though I only held the money for 6 months in a CD account and withdrew the money months ago, it came back to haunt me.
My father in law gave me some advice but it is really hard for me to do. It is too much for me to go into details right now. I need to work a really early shift tomorrow. I will go into details on his advice after work tomorrow.
I know this is a really long post but I really need some logical advice here. I really feel that I should help them out because they are my families, but then again, I don't want to mess up my credit/life because they jacked up on theirs.
Thanks in advance for anyone who read this post and replied.
I'll put it this way, hard times are coming (in the next 5 years) for everyone, they are already fucked, that is their problem, and if you have a big house and credit and are able to handle your bills, they will probably be living with you in the future when the shit comes. If you take this on, you will all be fucked and have no HOME!
They are living in the false reality, you seem to be more grounded. Which is more important, having a place to sleep or getting their credit and equity back up? For me, that is a no brainer.
My money is on, you will aid them, and you will all be fucked. People rarely make the wise choice. You have everything to lose.
__________________
"One cannot truly see the light until he has felt the embrace of the abyss."
"Every facet, every department of your mind is to be programmed by you and unless you assume your rightful responsibility and begin to program your own mind, the world will program it for you."
01001100011010010110001001100101011100100111010001 10000101110011001000000101011001100101011011000010 000001001101011011110111001001110011
Reality, the greatest single thing there's never been.
My house is not big and them living with us is not an options because there is no room.
My father in law's advice was to look at this like a business deal. If I let them use my name I should get a cut in it because of the risk that I am taking. An example that he used was something like, when they sell the house, I will take some of the profit they make from the house(if any). But something like that.
I already made up my mind. I will NOT let them use my name on the house because like I said, 5 years is WAYY too long and anything could happen. But I did agree to open up an account for them to put there money. Any intrest that it makes, I keep.
Now the only hard part is to tell them I can't help them with there house. I will feel bad, but I need to watch out for myself as well.
Good for you. Why don't they ask the father in law instead?
__________________
"One cannot truly see the light until he has felt the embrace of the abyss."
"Every facet, every department of your mind is to be programmed by you and unless you assume your rightful responsibility and begin to program your own mind, the world will program it for you."
01001100011010010110001001100101011100100111010001 10000101110011001000000101011001100101011011000010 000001001101011011110111001001110011
Reality, the greatest single thing there's never been.
They are not that close with my father in law, I just got married last year. Also he is never home, he travels around the world closing a business deal with some big company.
I just found out some other BS with my sister and it pissed me off. This will make it easier for me to tell her no.
I am afraid today will be the turning point where my relationship with her ends. It depends on how she takes it.
My house is not big and them living with us is not an options because there is no room.
My father in law's advice was to look at this like a business deal. If I let them use my name I should get a cut in it because of the risk that I am taking. An example that he used was something like, when they sell the house, I will take some of the profit they make from the house(if any). But something like that.
I already made up my mind. I will NOT let them use my name on the house because like I said, 5 years is WAYY too long and anything could happen. But I did agree to open up an account for them to put there money. Any intrest that it makes, I keep.
Now the only hard part is to tell them I can't help them with there house. I will feel bad, but I need to watch out for myself as well.
its aite dat u want to help dude but never let anyone use your name. Thats how u end up in their position
They are not that close with my father in law, I just got married last year. Also he is never home, he travels around the world closing a business deal with some big company.
I just found out some other BS with my sister and it pissed me off. This will make it easier for me to tell her no.
I am afraid today will be the turning point where my relationship with her ends. It depends on how she takes it.
Yea, it will be her decision. She sounds like my ladys sister, the "victim".
__________________
"One cannot truly see the light until he has felt the embrace of the abyss."
"Every facet, every department of your mind is to be programmed by you and unless you assume your rightful responsibility and begin to program your own mind, the world will program it for you."
01001100011010010110001001100101011100100111010001 10000101110011001000000101011001100101011011000010 000001001101011011110111001001110011
Reality, the greatest single thing there's never been.
I told her today. I told her that I opened up the account and she needs to deposit the money in there today before the bank charge me some fees. Also told her that I won't be able to help her sign the house because I need to refinance my wife's car and I may need to buy a new car within the 5 years.
She said that "THEY" can help me sign for a new car if needed. I call BS because they will jacked up there credit so badly for walking away from the house. She also said that owning two house won't effect my chance of getting a credit line on a car bla bla bla. I just said no. She got pretty mad at me and said that she don't need me to hold the money for her.
I guess this is the end of the relationship with her. Really I don't care even though she is my sister. I really had stingy people. The BS that I was talking about on my last post was that I found out that she NEVER SOLD the previous house that she had before she bought the new house. She just don't want to move back to her house and would like to buy a new one instead. I can understand that she wants to take advantage of the low price right now, but what type of shit is it using her own brother for personal greed.
You can't jsut give someone money and put it in an account for them. It is seen as income by the government and you will be taxed. Another good reason for saying no.
__________________
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