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It's just so weird. As cliche and uselses as this thread will serve everyone else I'm sure, this is the only real way i can let out my feelings. I feel like i came into highschool with a completly differnt amonunt of people than i'm leaving there with. I'm not sure if i'm even content with leaving with the people that i am, but thinking about the future scares me a little. Yes, i know, it's time to grow up, and get off of mommy and daddy. I guess, this is just a relization for me, to make college more worthwhile than highschool was. In the end, i just want a sense of belongness, a sense of love, so to speak. Man is free, as Hobbs (i think) said, but free, only within the relams of this society. I'm hoping, wishing, that my reason for distress, my reason for the misreable nights, terrible people accumulated in my life, are the cause of me living in a upper middle-class surburbia, but in the end, i know it is my attitudes that shape who i am. I guess in the end, I sure as hell hope i make something out of the next four months here at this depressing highschool. Maybe they weren't the happier years, but they deffinetly were amazing years. As we, as I, move foward, I see a distant picture of myself, happy, but there is no road to get there, just a box filled with cemenant, and some construction tools. It seems, like i've never picked up the pallet, never picked the shovel for me to walk to that path of happiness. I hope in the comming months, i begin to wear the proper clothing, being to work hard, and finnaly, when college arrvives, start working on that road, that very road that has been in need of work for four years. That very road, which i take another route too, but manage to get lost. Fuck this idea of a plan, cuz as i've learned best, life is best unplanned to some extent. It is the most joyful, and the most exhilirating, to live life, like a stoic, where you stay content, with what shall lay ahead of you, or before you.

It's just time where i start putting some action toward these words! I hope i can look back on this thread in a couple of months, and think.. glad i picked up the shovel, glad the sidewalk is almost complete....
 

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wow
:) deep read

honestly you seem to have it all figured out
but it seems like you just wanted to type it out into words

makes sense
they say goals are more likley to be realized when they are written down

anyway
i went off to college feeling alot like you did
like i need out and i needed to be on my own two feet and all that stuff.. amazingly i did it.. i feel great about it.. now my parents still have a role in my life but it's much different then the one they had in high school theres a lot more mutual respect.. that in our culture is difficult to find... but i gave them a reason to give it to me thus them giving it to me... and me giving it back to them... wierd chain of evenets...

anyway the other big thing you said was that you were going to take your words and put them into action.. thas the key.. lots of people say and think but few do.. so be one thats different... :)

good luck :tu
 

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I truly agree with everything you say, but listen even if you fail at college, take that experience and note it in to a positive one, let your words and your failure and your wanting to succeed be the reason why you want to do great in college, sure you would like to do good the first time around, but perhaps your mentally ready...but not emotionally ready to make such commitment or maybe lazy...yeah, I know that's me, but anyways. Let your words be your inspiration, but also look for more try to aim at a goal and at times when attendence,studying homework is slipping and you just want to give up. Have something so deep that even if you do not what to do these things...Inspire yourself to do so, I suggest printing out your words and...reading them every morning before you get up, may sound abit too much, but I promise you if you do you'll never forget your words or your..what your striving for while attending college.
 
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