well i really enjoy her living w/me. i mean i cant take a day w/out her. one time she went home for a day and i couldn't sleep. i toss and turn and slept at 10 am when she came back. i really do love her. maybe she is playing evil to get me back. i know im an ass and a jerk from time to time. i can be mature when its the time but most of it is i see her at home or we go out and i act immature because i feel so comfortable around her. i mean first yr you gotta impress her and be mature right. but since we been together for so long i just thought that being how i am, trying to make her laugh even tho humilating myself in public or acting like a child at home just to see that smile. is that so wrong to be myself and not try to fake it? she get mad cuz i'm too immature. lately she's nice to me when she come home from work or from going out with her friends. we talk like friends and all, no yelling what so ever. but in my head i'm thinkin maybe she still interested in me and the fact that she just want time alone. when i brought up the subject about us, she would diss me like there is no us. no more, gave you too many chances and i'm tired of it. its always the same thing. i admit, i do make mistake, i do make her sad from time to time, but nobody is perfect. i would call off work to be with her, spend time w/her, cancel on my friend just to hang out. 3 yrs is a long time and i'm not ready to let that go just yet. i'm willing to sacrifice my happiness to see her happy again even though if she will belong to someone else when she is ready. i told her how i felt every single night and i get the same result. she's been holding this grudge for the past 2 month even tho no matter how sorry i am, i want to make it up to her. i can't just move on yet. is it wrong of me to be mad at her even though we are not together anymore? should i get mad at the other guy instead and not her or both? i'm juss piss off at the guy who made a move on her. i just wanna look for him and fuck him up. i just wish i can turn back the hands of time and change the way i handle things, change what i said. when everything goes really well something have to go bad. i just recently finance a digi cam for her because she wants it and she don't have the credit to purchase it. its the sony cybershot which cost $400. i'm working right now in a well paying job partime time and a month i get $1000. i have to cover my $400 credit card debt each month because i don't use cash, pay for insurance which is 538 for 6 month, fone bills, gas, and food. i treat her out to food also whenever she is hungry so that is a lot of money on me each month. i struggle to make this relationship work, but it seem like she is not putting anymore effort into it because she's sick and tire of it. no matter what i do or say, she won't come back. each night when we go to sleep, i always end up crying and she know that i'm crying and she just ignore it. she told me she still love me and care about me but not the way she use to do. only love me and care about me as a friend and nothing more. i know this is unhealthy of me to be this way, i try to stay strong but i got a really weak heart. lately i done care about anything or anyone no more except trying to get her back into my arms. i miss everything about her. i just can't believe i fuck up and now she's gone. maybe i am not bf material, maybe i am just like those other loser where people alway say "why do girls end up being with a jerk like that" i don't know what to think anymore. i was trying to quit up cigarette for her, but ever since this is happening, i've been back to my bad habit. i have so much stuff on my shoulder right now like school, have so many hw due next wk and 2-3 test, gotta work, this drama i'm having, family, and friends. i introduce her to my family 6 month ever since we got together and they all really loved her. my family, my cousin, grandma grandpa, everyone. even my friends. my mom and grandma always be talkin how they can't wait for us to get married because we are so perfect for each other and i let them down. i fuck up to let her go and its all because of the things i do and said. letting go of her is going to be hard but i'm willing to wait to see if she comes around, but the worst part of it all is telling my family and friends. i'm afraid to tell them because they had high hope for us and it seem like if i tell them, i'm letting them down. i gotta go work now so i'll check this board when i get back. thanks guys for listening to me, thanks for the advice.