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Discussion Starter #1
I have been "seeing" this girl for about one yr so far.. Started off as some serious attraction, kind of thing where you first see each other, and have the hots for one another. Bout 2 weeks after we started talking ,we hooked up. Sex is great! Best sex in awhile. Turns out we have deeper feelings for one another, but I am concerned about getting a title to what we are, though as time goes by, we are more or less b/f-g/f. We have our ups and downs, she is a goody-goody, optimistic little Jewish princess from chi-town, im a aethistic pessimistic, nihilistic metal head. Complete opposites attracting.
Yadda-yadda, time goes on, our differences continue to keep us from really getting together. By the time summer comes around, she is off to chi-town, her and I decide it is time to go our separate ways.. She starts to see someone else, Im on the market, and looking. My attempts fail, she hooked up with someone who just wasnt right for her. She comes back to school, her and I become close again. (Yes!!! Aaron still gets sex! *grin) We still care alot about each other, but still, we feel the differences b/t us. We both try to get involved in one another's life, but it is difficult, we just like to do different things. Now, that is not to say we cant do stuff together, it is just hard to find things we both like.
Finally, I decide to go to Yom Kippur with her( Jewish new-year). Religion has always been foriegn to me, but I figured it would do something with her that is important to her.
Completely blows up in my face. I have the hardest time even enjoying myself, so much that I need to vent about it. I call my dad, cuz he knows about this kind of stuff. Start going off, saying lots of immature, niave, and narrow-minded stuff on the phone. For some reason, when she got to the car, I didnt tell her to give me a min. or two. She hears some of the things I am saying, gets very offended and hurt, leaves.
I talk to her a few days later, she is better, but still hurt. What is worse, is she says that she thinks that we can only be friends now. bout one week later, both drunk, I walk her home from bars, we hook up. Doesnt really mean anything, but still happens. From then on, both our lives are busy, so our extend of contact is 'bout 1 phone call a day.
Halloween, we are supposed to hang out, go to the bars, get wasted. Again, we leave the bars early, as we usually do when we drink, go home, screw around. Would of fucked like bunny rabbits, but she was on her rag. We spend most of Saturday together, but not before we have talk.
Few days before, she told me she was going back to chi-town for a date with a guy she met through a Jewish dating service. We talked about our relationship, or lack there of, and she concluded the converstation with," after that night( Yom Kippur), I decided that my religion was really important to me." While this does not say much on the surface, what it does say is that in order for her to be happy, she also has to be happy with her religion.
I finished up with," I know that our lives are drifting apart, but if for some reason in the future, our lives come back together, please dont use what has happend in the last couple months as an excuse not to get together..."

I guess the reason I am writing this is to get all the stuff out of my head, and to get some different perspectives on the matter.
I love her to death, she would be my perfect girl it if werent for our differences. We have good, not great, communication, we are very attracted to each other, we are usually kind and considerate to one another. We care deeply for each other, we just feel like we are from different sides of the tracks, and feeling is mutual. I have had problems b/c I dont feel as close to her as I want to, and I am sure the same is likewise for her... Sorry about the long rant, sometimes these things are not so cut and dry....

Points of note: Im 23, she 21. She graduates in Dec. goes to chi-town for Student teaching, then sent in applications for placement in both chi-town and Iowa. I graduate in 2 yrs(hopefully)
 

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Sounds like the classic case of just moving apart as you both grow and evolve...:D It's hard to break up when there's actually nothing "wrong", but IMO that's where it seems to be heading for you two.

Good luck to both of you.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Yeah, I think you are right, that is the hardest part of it is that we have to move on, even though there is nothing "wrong". I questions I am always thinking about is which is better, to be perfectly matched pple who like everything the same, or to be two different pple and work at the relationship...
 

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Curufin said:
Yeah, I think you are right, that is the hardest part of it is that we have to move on, even though there is nothing "wrong". I questions I am always thinking about is which is better, to be perfectly matched pple who like everything the same, or to be two different pple and work at the relationship...
I hear what your saying... Also how do you balance your present needs & desires compared to the view you have for yourself in 5, 10, 40 years down the line, and does your GF fit into those plans since you don't want to be potentially wasting your time. Also important is if she want you in her future too. Very confusing...
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I have to say, of all the issues b/t us that matter, if we were to be more seriously involved, which is the only place left for us to go, the issue of religion is the most important. Could she marry a goya(non-Jew)? Could I cope with being with a religious person being that I dont believe in religion?? How could we raise children?? Jewish or aethist??? I have to say, if there was an issue of difference that drove a wedge b/t us, it would be this one.....

Have to say though, more I talk about it, the less bad I feel all around.. *grin

Heheh, I say,"have to say" alot dont i......
 

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It's your life present & future so I'd think you'd have a lot to saw about it!:D Almost sounds like you're ready to get more serious with her. Maybe it's time to have a serious talk with her about where you stand in her eyes.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Yeah, at one point, I was considering it.... Her and I had come to the agreement that we were not going to consider anything more... But, as they usually do, emotions continue to get in the way... I am inclined to agree with you, Shiba, and I really want to do that... I am just tired of hurting her by flipping back and forth about what I want.. Its usually not my feelings that change, I am just afraid of long term commitment.... I would like to talk to her about it, though I think she would throw the nearest thing at me if I brought it up... I have hurt her deeply, and by communicating on that emotional of a level, i am sure some of those hurt emotions would come out... I think right now would not be the best time to do that, especially since she is trying to move on in her life... not in that she wants to be rid of me, just that she would wants to stop hurting... And find a connection with someone she feels there is a future, i.e. a Jewish man she could marry..
On Saturday, we got up from our hangovers, went to lunch, then went back to my place, smoked a bowl, and watched football... Yeah, she likes football, and baseball, what a gal... *grin
We talked, and a lot of emotion came out... On both our sides. I got the distinct impression that it was painful to her, to think about us in a manner or form other than good friends, meaning that to think of us as b/f-g/f was painful, though she enjoyed the contact.

Yeah, the more I think about it, it boils down to that she is not over us yet, and her emotions involved are still hurt... I do want to talk to her, let her know how I feel, but at the same time, I dont want to be that guy who just cant let go... Hehe, its just sometimes hard when she has a difficult time letting go as well...

In any case, before she graduates and leaves town, I want to take her out and show her a good time, maybe make dinner, go out for drinks, something that both of us can enjoy and have fun together... Then maybe I can lay it all on the line, and if it goes bad, well, she will be leaving town so it will only be strange over the phone or net....
 

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being jewish i know that being with someone who is jewish is very important to some peoples families. but it shouldn't be the determining factor. don't let her use that excuse.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
*nod Thx man... I have am still trying to maintain a good relationship with her and find ways to allow our differences to either come together or co-exist.
I also think that the fact that she is adopted makes it so that her religion is even more important to her because she does not really have a family background to look apon, so she identifies with her religion.
Being that I am not religious, it is difficult for me to understand this... It is just foreign to me...
 
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